Boy Quotes

Theo–“When I take over the world, I will allow Memeland to continue as an independent nation because Memeland is awesome. They are worthy!!!”

And what was my budding young tyrant listening to on his phone … 1960’s Paul Harvey.

*

Theo and Brennan wrestling for 2 minutes over soda.

Me–Encouraging them to not hurt one another.

Scruffy–“A little crying is good for you. Builds character.”

Judah–“My, what a terrible father.”

*

Judah–“Ignorance is not bliss. Anyone who says that is ignorant.”

*

Judah–Having trouble explaining something.

Theo–“You no word good!”

Judah– … stares at brother and continues to explain.

Theo–“You no word good!”

Judah–… continues

Theo–“Words … blah!”

*

Brennan–“Global warming.”

Epona–“It’s great for people like me who are easily frozen.”

Theo–“Corn maze!”

*

Brennan–“In my basketball game, I got smooshed by two people running from each side. My rib-holder hurts.”

Epona–“You mean your sternum?”

Brennan–“I’m feeling better.”

Scruffy–“I hurt my sternum once and it hurt for months. Good luck!”

Me–“Did you go to the doctor?”

Scruffy–“Ha, I was in my 20’s.”

Brennan–“Well, I didn’t get run into by 20-year-old muscle hams!”

*

Brennan–“What is Downton Abbey?”

Scruffy–“It’s basically Fire Emblem set in Britain.”

Epona–“I’m 90% rage, right now!”

*

Theo–Opening his Christmas present which was a raven skull walking cane–“Mwahahaha! I feel that I should be resurrecting dinosaurs or something!”

*

Judah–Working on his Lego–“This is ridiculously complex. I love it!”

*

Scruff breaks a belt and tosses it aside. I find it.

Me–“Is this the belt that was broken?”

Judah–With a smirk–“Are you going to reforge the belt that was broken?”

*

Scruffy–About to start a video game that Judah has been teaching him.

Judah–“Dad, are you dong better today? Last time you refused to make any decisions on your own.”

*

Theo–Telling us about the strange new animals he has discovered online.

Scruffy–“I believe a lot of things about Australia, but I have trouble believing in a possum-eating spider.”

Theo–“I’ll believe anything about Australia.”

*

Theo–“I haven’t had enough cheese today to be this evil.”

Me–“Cheese is evil?”

Theo–“Cheese is the root of all evil!”

*

Theo–Applies online to sell his face to robot manufacturers.

Theo–“Bomber, have you sold your face to the robot people?”

*

I clean a spot for the Christmas tree. Then tell the boys, “Don’t you dare put anything there.”

Later, I find a piece of paper sitting directly in the center of the clean spot. On the paper is written a single word in Brennan’s handwriting, “Anything.”

*

Theo–“Achoobljsfsbbbp!”

Theo–“Achoooogrrrrr!”

Epona–“Was that a sneeze?”

Theo–“I’m the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight … of course it was a sneeze!”

*

Me–“Where is your shirt?”–seeing that he has wrapped a blanket around his bare chest.

Theo–“I don’t have a shirt … but someone stole my phone and replaced it with a small green monkey!” Bomber or Kanga put baby Yoda Lego in place of phone.

Epona–“Are you releasing your inner Roman by wearing that toga?”

Theo–“There’s a reason Romance has Roman in it!”

*

Judah–“I don’t understand how your voice can have such volume.”

Theo–“That’s not volume. That’s corn maze!!!”

*

Theo–“Surfing with victory on a wave of …” he thinks for a moment, “something cool!”

*

Theo–“I need my phone … sniff”

Bomber–“I think he’s sniffing for his phone.”

Epona–“This alarms me. What does your phone smell like?”

*

Theo–“Mirrors do not reflect time.

Bomber–“What if I set a mirror by my herb garden?”

*

Theo–“Can I hath muncheth and cruncheth of the yellow goodness?” –Chips

*

Theo–Contentedly–“Food makes the sun shine a little less.”

*

Theo–“In America I’m … a medium level minion and a level seven consumer.”

*

Theo–“I don’t have an evil lair, therefore I cannot scheme.”

*

Kanga–“I want cookies today.”

Theo–“You’re such a child, Kanga.”

*

Scruffy–“Bacon is forever.”

Boo Boo–“Bacon may not last forever, but it does last a very long time.”

*

Camo Man–“Wherever there is a good shovel, there is hope.” climbing onto Grandpa’s woodshed to shovel off 5 feet of snow.

*

Scruffy–speaking to Judah while he drives–“Can you drive a winter road while dodging a rubber chicken?” Menaces oldest son with chicken while he is driving, but does not actually attack … for safety reasons.

*

Bomber–“I am worried for the safety and wellbeing of my velociraptor?” She made one out of a sticky note.

*

Scruffy–“Dauntless, are you here next weekend?”

Dauntless–In a very sad voice–“No, I’ll be in Hawaii.”

*

Judah–“Brennan, put my sword back! I don’t trust you. Never do that again!”

Brennan had simply picked it up.

*

Scruffy–“Wait! None of these movies have zombies in them!”

Kanga–“Or monsters.”

Scruffy–“Well … that depends how comfortable you are with the animation in Storks.”

*

Epona–“In heaven, I am most excited to sword fight the angels because no one will be able to get hurt! It would be like Smash Bros … but in real life.”

*

Scruffy–“There are worse things than facial hair.”

‘Merica–“Yeah, taxes.”

*

Scruffy–speaking of Boo Boo–“I have to make her mad a lot, so she’ll remember me when I’m gone.”

*

Epona–“At least in heaven I’ll be able to fight all the bears I want without dying.”

*

Theo–“I have not been bitten by any technological snakes.”

*

Me–“I will be victorious, I will pull your pants up!” –Yes, our blond son was wearing scandalously low trousers to school and I chased him around the house with a belt. Thankfully, his father got him a black studded belt that is properly ominous and he has condescended to wear it. This was before that belt.

*

Bomber to Epona–“Much to Epona’s chagrin, I think that any chocolate is lint flavored if you leave it in your pocket long enough.”

*

Epona–“Why would you have to run efficiently when you’re pretending to be a horse, Judah!”

*

Bomber–“If it will give you preace of mind–

Judah–“–My mind is in so many pieces.”

*

Scruffy–speaking about winter driving–“He’s not going to die. This could be a mistake he learns from. If you die, that’s a mistake you’ll never make again.”

*

Scruffy–to Theo after another chopping incident with new knives–“If you loose your thumb–“

Bomber–“You are one more step away from being a raccoon.”

*

Bomber–talking about Theo and Brennan being back at school–“It’s so inconvenient when your minions start getting an education!”

*

Kanga–“It’s either logic or philosophy.”

Theo–“Well, I don’t like flossing.”

Kristen

I promise you a crazed animal, a concussion, and a kiss in every single book...you're welcome!

One thought on “Boy Quotes

  • January 10, 2022 at 8:09 am
    Permalink

    I love love the comments, and the fact that you remember to write them down. Thank you!!

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