I prayed one of those dangerous prayers this week.
One of the kind that you are not sure you want answered, only I did. I did need an answer and God came through for me even though it was hard. An editor requested pages from my middle grade ms. awhile back and I revised before I sent it to him, but I kept thinking and thinking, wondering if I should revise again in case he requested a full. But what to change? I had already done all that I knew to do. I shot an email to an agent I really would love to work with and she was gracious enough to explain where my story might be lacking. It hurt, it really did. But it was also a clear and direct answer to a weeks worth of prayers. I needed to know. Something inside me knew that the story needed more, but I had no idea what to do. There they were, the words that showed me what was wrong. The words that gave me a whole string of ideas. The words that made me reach for the mini Snickers. Argh! This was at least a month of hard work…maybe more. But it was exactly what I needed and it came when I had dared to pray and ask God for something I wasn’t sure He was willing to put on His schedule. It seems so silly compared with shootings and homelessness and disease. But God came through for me, in a way that hurt, but a real and tangible way that meant something just to me. He is there. His powers are not limited by the vast quantity or wrongs in the world or the vast number of people looking to Him for hope and a moment of notice. He has time for me. I knew these things, yet the heart sometimes must be reminded, and I received one of those amazing reminders in the form of an email. Not an email full of compliments, but one that gently showed where I was lacking. Thank God for His tough and beautiful love as He gives us what we need. Perhaps with this help, I will be able to tell a story that will thrill my three boys and children like them for years to come. Who knows. But today I am grateful, tired of editing, but grateful nonetheless.