Phooey Kerflooey vs The Fancy, Fancy Teacup

CHAPTER ONE

Goodbye Warm Barn, Goodbye Fancy Teacup

Phooey Kerflooey burrowed close to her brothers and sisters. The pile of puppies and golden straw. The barn was snug and warm and smelled like horses, snoring goats, and puppy breath. Sunlight filtered down from the hayloft, and the farmer whistled while he fixed a broken fence outside.

A girl’s face appeared above the stall door. Her hands were full of fancy, fancy teacups stacked on top of a thick book. She had a pink collar and leash hanging over one shoulder.

Phooey wagged. Finally, Jessie had come to save her! Phooey was so thirsty. The other dogs drank from the dish in the corner. But not Phooey. She could only drink from a fancy, fancy teacup.

“Hey, puppies,” Jessie said as she pushed open the stall door. It thudded shut behind her with a puff of dust. All ten puppies tumbled over, bouncing and wagging as they pressed close for snuggles and pats. Jessie knelt in the golden straw, propped the book against the wall, and set out the teacups. “I’ve chosen my puppy.” She poured water from a flowery teapot into each cup. “Now, I don’t want any of you to feel sad. God made every one of you and you are all so special!”

Phooey pricked her ears. She would never be sad. She was Jessie’s very favorite puppy. They played fetch with Dolly, spent long afternoons with brushes and ear bows, and Jessie’s lap was the comfiest place in all the world for naps and belly rubs.

“There will be a perfect family for all of you.” Jessie cupped each pup’s face in her hands and planted a kiss on every fuzzy snout. “I just know every one of you is the best puppy for someone.”

Phooey toddled forward and slurped out of a cup with painted flowers and a golden rim.

Jessie pulled Phooey’s sister, Sassy—an all-black pup with a waggy tail and painted toenails—into her lap.

Phooey’s eyebrows wrinkled in a scowl. Sassy had hogged Jessie all to herself yesterday, when they’d painted toenails together and chased squirrels. Phooey shivered. Squirrels were loud and toenail paint smelled funny. Phooey took another slurp from her fancy teacup and gave a wag. When Sassy left with her new family, there would be more time for belly rubs with Jessie.

“I’m going to keep Sassy.”

Phooey blinked and plopped onto her rump. Her tail suddenly felt too heavy to wag. A shuddering sigh filled her chest. Phooey spun and ran to the farthest corner. She tried not to watch as Sassy slobbered Jessie’s chin.

Jessie came to Phooey’s corner and bent low. She ruffled Phooey’s ears, gave her a gentle smile, and then turned back to Sassy. “Sassy is the perfect pup for me since she loves getting her claws painted and wearing ear bows.”

Phooey turned away, pointing her snout toward the corner of the stall.

Phooey loved ear bows, too. She shot Sassy a side-glance. Sure, Phooey had run away when Jessie got out the red polish. It smelled stinky. She and Jessie could always drink from fancy, fancy cups instead of painting toes.

Jessie filled the teacups again as Phooey’s brothers and sisters pressed in for more drinks. “Some boys are coming today to pick a puppy. One of you is the perfect pup for them. We just have to figure out who. Now, let’s do our Bible reading!” Jessie grabbed the big book and gave each puppy a treat when they gathered around. “This will help you grow to be the very best pup for your own family.”

Phooey glanced at the teacups when Jessie started to read. Was she talking about the Bible reading or the fancy, fancy teacups?

Jessie pointed at her Bible. “Philippians chapter two.”

Phooey eyelids sagged. She felt so sleepy. Jessie was talking on and on and on. Phooey trundled over and slurped up the last drink from the last flower cup right before Jessie took it away.

“Are your hearts tender and compassionate?” Jessie read from the Bible.

Phooey sighed. Jessie was using a lot of big words. Why were God’s words so long and fancy? Phooey sighed. Would the big words help her find the perfect family? Phooey tried to listen.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble . . .”

Phooey shook her ears and glanced at the fancy teacups then back at Jessie’s Bible.

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Yep, so many big words. Jessie must have been talking about the fancy, fancy teacups. That was the only thing that made sense. If her new family had fancy teacups, then Phooey would know they were the perfect family for her!

But would playing with boys be the same as playing with Jessie? She looked at Sassy and her painted claws. If Phooey was a perfect princess of a puppy, would she be the perfect pup for them? Phooey curled in a ball in the straw to think.

She wanted to stay with Jessie. But these boys wanted a puppy. She was a puppy. Maybe they loved fancy, fancy teacups? Jessie had said that the fancy teacups would help each puppy find their own perfect family.

Phooey tipped her head and looked back and forth between Jessie’s Bible and the teacups. Yep, Jessie was talking about the teacups, for sure. How would a bunch of fancy words help Phooey when there were fancy teacups instead?

She cuddled deeper into the straw and sighed. It was all so new and scary. Would anywhere else ever feel like home?

When the slanting sun made long shadows on the floor of the barn, a boy walked up to their stall. He had glasses, messy golden hair that looked like a haystack, and worried eyes.

The boy stared as Phooey’s Momma and Poppa galloped into the barn to give him warm kisses.

Instead of throwing his arms around their furry necks or playing fetch, the boy grabbed a phone and ran away.

Phooey blinked. What kind of boy ran from happy dogs? Sure, they were bigger than him, but Newfoundlands were supposed to be big. Big and happy and beautiful. He must not be the boy for her. He probably didn’t even own a fancy, fancy teacup. She huffed a breath, scattering a handful of straw. When would her real family come?

After a long time, the boy came back. He leaned over the half door of the stall. The boy stared at each pup like he was trying to solve a hard puzzle.

“They’re so big.” He pulled a small notebook from his back pocket and grabbed a pencil from under the laces of his shoe. He muttered as he wrote. “The dangers of bringing home a puppy that is five times bigger than Mom expected. One, puppy takes us on walks instead of us walking puppy. Two, puppy eats more food than everyone in the house. Three, puppy stomps on cars like a furry monster.”

“They don’t get that big.” Jessie smirked at the boy. “How about, ‘four, puppy has more love to give’ or ‘five, puppy protects home by slobbering all the robbers’? Your mom said to get a puppy, right?”

“Well, yes. But I’m not sure she understands.”

“Here, Marcus.” Jessie’s mom opened the stall door and waded through the straw, her hands full with a dish of fresh food. She set the dish down. Phooey galloped over and plunged her snout into the gooey pan of warm mush.

“Why don’t you sit in the corner?” Jessie’s mom said. “See which puppies come over to say hi.”

The boy crept inside and settled on a pile of straw.

Phooey knew exactly what to do. All ten puppies knew. Like a wave of fur and wagging tails, the puppies zoomed across the floor and crashed into Marcus. Sassy bit his shoe. Dice washed his ears. Phooey gave him a slurp on the nose. Every puppy made sure Marcus felt loved and slobbered.

Jessie laughed and laughed.

Her mom finally tugged Marcus up and scooted the puppies back.

Phooey cocked her head to the side. Who wouldn’t want kisses from ten puppies? Puppy kisses were very powerful. They made tears turn into smiles. Puppy kisses were the best.

Jessie and Marcus talked while Phooey studied him. He seemed like a nice boy. His eyes were kind, but worried. His shoes were scuffed, like he played a lot. Phooey yawned. Maybe there was time for a quick nap. She curled in a ball and flopped her tail over her nose. Her eyes drifted shut. The happy yips of her brothers and sisters were with her as she fell asleep.

“OK, which is the biggest girl puppy?” Marcus said.

Phooey opened her eyes and wagged. She was a girl puppy. She sat on her perfectly plump rump and blinked up at Marcus. She was the fattest pup. Marcus must know the secret to choosing a puppy. The fattest pup is the best pup.

Jessie stood and all the puppies scattered. Phooey galloped in circles, zipping between Jessie’s feet. They played chase until Jessie snagged her around the middle and hauled Phooey into her arms. Jessie carried her across the stall. “This one is a big, beautiful princess. She weighs twenty-two pounds.”

Of course, she was a princess. Didn’t everyone know?

 Jessie plopped Phooey into Marcus’s lap.

Marcus pulled her close and gazed into her eyes. He waited a moment, and then smoothed his hand down her soft fur.

Phooey wagged and scooted closer.

He ruffled her ears.

Phooey slurped him on the chin and Marcus laughed. Phooey gave a deep sigh. This boy knew about gentle pats and ear rubs. He knew exactly how to treat a puppy princess. Had Phooey found her family?

Now, Jessie just had to give him one of those teacups. A princess needed a fancy, fancy cup.

Jessie packed up Dolly, Phooey’s ear bows, and her pink collar and leash. She stuffed them into a pretty pink backpack. Some people said dogs couldn’t see pink, but that was for normal dogs. A princess could always see pink, no matter how fuzzy her fur, or how waggy her tail. A puppy princess was no different. Phooey nudged the pack with her nose. This was perfect. But where were the teacups? Phooey sniffed around the straw. The only drink was in the big metal dog dish. Everything had to be perfect for her perfect new family and nothing could be perfect without a fancy teacup!

Before she had a chance to sniff out one of the china cups and grab it, Marcus clipped a leash on her collar. He gently picked her up and carried Phooey to a van that smelled like crackers and peanut butter. “You’re going to love it at our house.”

Phooey wagged and leaned toward the back seat where the peanut butter smell was strongest.

“I’ll brush you and play fetch and teach you to chase squirrels. Maybe we can get Conner to calm down a little and read books again.”

Phooey slobbered his chin. That sounded wonderful. He hadn’t mentioned drinking from fancy, fancy teacups, but everyone knew a princess needed one of those, right? Hopefully the squirrels were nice and didn’t chitter in a mean way like the squirrels in the oak tree outside the barn. Phooey shivered.

“Conner wants you to learn to fight bears. What about stuffed bears?”

Bears? Phooey’s ears twitched. Fight? Phooey’s tail drooped. Who was this terrible Conner, and why did he even have bears?