Me–Reading a quote to Scruff from the romance I was enjoying. “‘Would he ever plumb the depths of her generous heart?’ So, should I say that to you?”

Scruff–“Hmmm . . . “

Ragnar–“Not plumb . . . maybe dredge!”

*

Ragnar–“That’s jarring.”

Shazam!!–“Jolly?”

Ragnar’s response is to attack Shazam!! and they wildly wrestle through the living room.

Ragnar–As he pins his brother to the couch–“I’m bigger, I’m better, I’m too much for Mr. Incredible!”

*

Hiccup–Shows us an illustration from his new book–“So, looking at this, what do you think the book is about?”

A difficult question as that particular illustration shows a dragon standing on a submarine facing a wizard and an alien creature that has too many arms each of which has too many fingers.

Shazam!!–“That’s what Theo is (Ragnar) going to look like when he’s old!”

*

Shazam!!–“Judah’s (Hiccup) not paying attention!”

Hiccup–“You’re not doing anything.”

Shazam!!–“I’m being Holly Jolly! …And festive!”

*

Ragnar was holding back Nessie while I hid a blanket she’d been attacking

Me–“Cry havoc and unleash the hounds of war!” as a signal that he could let her go.

Ragnar–“I don’t think she’s a hound of war. More like a hound of gluttony!”

*

Me–“It smells like something’s burning.”

Scruffy–“It’s my love for you.”

Hiccup–“Most people don’t have lines like that,” said with perhaps a bit of sarcasm, “and they don’t stay single for long.” 

The post Boy Quotes–Christmas Edition! appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

*

Hiccup–while playing games with his brothers and dad–“Is your brain made of lightly-buttered popcorn?”

Shazam!!–to whom this original insult was addressed–“Who lightly butters their popcorn???”

*

Ragnar–also while playing games–“Go, Brennan!”–or, as you know him, Shazam!!

Shazam!!–“It’s not my fault!”

Ragnar–“Well, you should have been a problem sooner.”

Apparently, Shazam!!’s problematic ways would have aided Ragnar’s game in some way.

*

Me– talking to the boys–“While I was doing my Bible study this morning, Nessie threw up an elephant onto the floor.”

It was a small toy elephant, that used to squeak.

*

Me, talking to Shazam!!–“Why did you almost step on Evie (Grandma Judy’s little dog)?”

Shazam!!–“I very intentionally did not step on her.”

Me–“Then why did you scrape your toe over her head?”

Shazam!!–“Because I didn’t see her, but then . . . sensing my surroundings with my toes, like a cat’s whiskers, I avoided her!”

*

Hiccup–“Brennan, GoGurts are the spice of life!” Please recall that “Brennan” is Shazam!!’s other name.

*

Shazam!!–Talking to a friend on his computer–“All I’ve eaten today is three pieces of pie.”

*

Hiccup–Questions Shazam!!’s language skills.

Shazam!!–“I speak high-level English for gingers 301!” 

*

Shazam!–“What’s that?”

Me–“A bouquet I picked for my mom.”

Shazam!–Looks closer, grabs one of the flowers our of my bouquet, and presents it to me. “Happy Mother’s Day!”

*

Scruffy–“Let’s work on the fence (he and Shazam! were building me a fence for Nessie) for Mother’s Day.”

It is pouring rain outside.

Me–Looks outside–“I think you should work on the fence right now!”

Shazam!–“It’s Mother’s Day, not Empress’s Day!”

*

Shazam!–“Mom! Nessie’s eating cactus dirt!”

*

Hiccup–“The apple pie doesn’t want to be an apple pie. It wants to be a weird lasagna.”

*

Shazam! deciding if he should open his birthday presents early while his brothers are home or wait until his birthday.

Shazam!–“I should open them all now, so people can see me gloat!”

Me–“What’s more important, opening something on your actual birthday or gloating?”

Shazam!–“Gloating!”

Shazam!–“It’s such a weird word. Sounds like a sound a frog would make.”

Ragnar–“You’re a sound a frog would make.”

Shazam!–“You’re a sound a giraffe would make!”

*

Shazam!!–Scanning car ads–“Should I buy this hearse?” He then gasps and looks closer at the 1927 hearse in question. “Casket included! Who cares about college money!!!”

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Holiday Edition

Shazam!–Playing a boardgame with his brothers and dad–“Mom, can you come and rub the dog’s armpits so that I can concentrate?” Yes, our Nessie Karu is very fond of armpit scratches!

*

I make Ginger Punch, an amazing Korean Holiday drink that we got from our camp intern Epona’s mom. Everyone loves this sweet and spicy alternative to cider that fills the house with the scent of ginger and cinnamon. However, it does encourage violence! We have three sons, a brunette, a blond, and a redhead. As they get mugs of ginger punch I invariably hear, “Ginger Punch!” as one of his older brothers punches our youngest (the redhead) or “Ginger Punch!” as our redhead attacks a brother. Drama and Christmas cheer, ha!

*

Ragnar–On our pre-mother’s-day hike–“Quick, push her! It’s not mother’s day yet!!!”

*

During our family vacation to North Cascades National Park this summer, the boys brought out the classic thought experiment about Theseus’ Ship and if it is still Theseus’ Ship if each part is replaced over years and years. They then proceeded to argue this brain twister for over fifty minutes on our drive . . . and then brought it back up on the drive back. With a few quirky additions from Scruffy. “If Theseus’ ship was made entirely of Big Mac hamburgers and each day you replaced one of them with a Whopper, would it still be a Big Mac?”

*

Boy Quotes “Normal Addition”

Scruffy–“A calzone is a pizza.”

Ragnar–“A calzone is a subspecies of a pizza, but not actually a true pizza . . . just like a jellyfish.”

Scruffy–Look of bafflement

Ragnar–“A true jellyfish has both a polyp stage and a medusa stage. A false jellyfish only has one.

*

Shazam!!!–Playing video games–“I am full of woe!!!

*

I read the boys a funny quote from a romcom I was reading where the heroine is being “hunted for food” by a cougar who had already killed a calf. We laughed so hard. The author clearly knew nothing about cougars. I always share unrealistic wilderness scenes with the boys. 

Ragnar–“You should write complaining letters. You shoud do a TedTalk, Mom! About the lack of reality in writing about freezing to death and being devoured by wild animals.”

*

Ragnar–“The new Mozart just dropped.” –Such a funny sentence to hear, but it’s true!

*

Shazam!–Shouts very unrealistic dialoge at full volume while playing video games–“Why me!!! Why me?!?!

*

Scruffy–“Do we have ham?”

Ragnar–“I couldn’t chip it out of the freezer. It was entombed in ice!”

*

Shazam!–Playing video games with his brothers–“Don’t worry, I have a rich man’s blunderbust.”

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Me–Sniffs away tears as our son prepares to move.

Judah–“What could you have possibly done to prepare? Besides learn to put the toilet paper on the dispenser. Every time I use your bathroom I have to do it myself.”

We are definitely going to miss all that delightful sarcasm. Love my boys!

*

Theo–While swimming in the river–“Ow, I hurt my finger trying to push Brennan under the water.” Brennan pops up from beneath the rushing river, gasps for air, and attacks Theo one more time.

*

Scruffy and boys playing games …

Brennan–“I can’t decide who to attack.”

Judah–“Just roll a die.” He eats some of his own stash of sour gummy worms.

Brennan–“Roll me some of those and I’ll attack Dad.”

Judah–Gives Brennan a handful of sour gummies.

Brennan–Attacks his Dad and then looks at Scruffy and says, “You should have raised your son with more integrity.”

Scruffy–“But I still get a Dad tax,” as he takes a worm.

*

Theo–says a dad joke of some kind.

Me–“You’re not allowed to use dad jokes, you’re not a dad.”

Judah–“Yes he is!”

Me–“What? He’s a dad?”

Gasps of horror from all three sons.

*

Theo–The girls he works with in the kitchen buy him 4 gallons of sweet tea and leave them on his desk while we are on vacation. Also, a piece of pie. He is thrilled and proceeds to guzzle the tooth-rotting drink straight from the jug. He has also been hankering to watch a zombie show, even though I am not a zombie fan.

Theo–“I’m drinking this sweet tea right in front of you, Mom!”

Me–“You should brush your teeth.

Theo–“I would brush my teeth even more if we watched something with zombies.”

So what do you think? Is this a good way to get a seventeen-year-old to brush more???

*

Back when we were building Legos together at Christmas time

Me–“Look at how fast I’m going–Oops!”

Judah–“Just like Theo’s driving.”

Theo–Deeply offended–“Hey, I drive better than Mom Legos!”

*

Brennan–“Graaaaak Srobaroiiiiiii Arkulb!”

Judah–“Ah, the unhinged Brennan noises return.”

He has been accused of sounding like a Chupacabra when he makes his random Brennan sounds.

*

I am trying to communicate with the boys and Judah hears me but Brennan does not.

Me–“I’m not sure if your headphones are more powerful or if your ears are less powerful than Judah’s.”

Brennan–“My ears are definitely less powerful. He has hyper-colloquialism!”

It is actually hyperacusis, ha!

*

Since Judah moved out, there has been much debate about who will have “The Moose Room” Theo and Brennan’s current room and who will move into Judah’s old room. They both want their own room, but The Moose Room is bigger, has more available shelving (Scruff put boardgames on the shelves in Judah’s room), and has the giant head of a moose that my grandfather bequeathed me. This moose looms over Brennan’s bed looking impressive. It’s a good thing we don’t have very many earthquakes. Theo says because he is older he gets The Moose Room. Brennan says that “Moose Proximity” grants him The Moose Room. They have been arguing for a month with Brennan demanding $30, then $50 and finally $1,000 to make him move. Yes, we are all aware that the bargaining was backwards but did this make them any more reasonable? No, no it did not, ha! I was fine with them sharing a room as we would then have a guest room!

But now, they have come to an agreement. While playing a computer game with Scruff, Judah, Theo, and Brennan all in the same game Theo had some followers that both Scruffy and Brennan wanted. Brennan shouted out this deal: “I’ll move out of The Moose Room for those fifty followers and $30!”

Theo shouted back, “Deal!!!” and the decision was made.

*

Theo to Brennan–“I sneeze better than you can talk!”

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Judah–After a snarky comment to his father. “Well … maybe I should not be critiquing your prayer because it’s illogical.”

*

Theo–“I woke up this morning to Velcro licking my hair.” Velcro is Bomber’s (our maintenance gal) cat.

Scruffy–“Yeah, she sat on me in the middle of the night and went full Golem, trying to cough up a hairball.”

Boo Boo–“That’s probably why she had a hairball.”

*

Judah–“Apparently, Leia was not too infirm to make a mess of my desk last night.”

Me–“So, she can’t walk a straight line, but she managed to get crackers off your desk?”

Judah–“You don’t have to walk a straight line to steal stuff.”

*

Kaya–“I didn’t yell at her (Princess Leia Freyja), I lightly accused her of ruining my life.”

*

Me–“I’m worried the camper’s won’t see that ditch and will break all the undercarriages on their cars.”

Scruffy–“Then get the boys out there with shovels.”

Theo–“To break all the undercarriages?”

It was a proud father moment for Scruff, sigh.

*

Hmmm … there is a chance the Wilks boys need to learn how to give better compliments.

Bomber–“I straightened my hair yesterday and the only comment I got was Theo saying, ‘You look dead inside.'”

*

Exhausted after work, Bomber comes to our house, sits in front of the fire for a moment, and promptly falls asleep.

Later …

Exhausted after work, Scruffy comes home lays down by the fire and promptly falls asleep on the floor.

Brennan–Considers his dad, comatose on the floor. “I don’t want a job as hard as yours … unless I get a lot more money.”

*

Kaya–“Can I have a drink?”

Boo Boo–“Yes.”

Brennan–“Except my cactus, you can’t drink my cactus.”

Kaya–“Now, I want to drink your cactus.”

Judah–“No one wanted to drink your cactus until you said not to.”

*

Theo refuses to throw away a shirt with a hole in it because he is waiting for the perfect opportunity to dramatically rip his shirt off … using that handy hole.

*

Me–“My old outhouse injury is flaring up.”

My sons laugh, but I did indeed hurt my shoulder digging the hole for an outhouse with my sister-in-law years ago.

*

Theo–“Have you seen _________’s neck beard? Now that is a majestic neck beard!”

Scruffy–“Neck beard and majestic are two words which should never go together.”

Everyone–Nods in quiet agreement.

*

Judah to his father–“Why is it that your every body function is more violent than normal? Coughing, sneezing … . I literally need a warning when you sneeze. It’s probably the reason I have tinnitus.”

*

Theo– Hits his toe on the table and is hopping around in tons of pain. “Why is the table so painful?”

Scruffy–“It was forged in the depths of Mount Doom.”

Ahhh … so that explains it.

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Brennan–“I just want to shoot at a hurricane, OK?”

He said this while trying to explain his desire to move to Florida with his cousin so that they could become “Florida Men.” This comes from the game of choosing a date (such as your birthday) and searching up that date and the phrase “Florida Man” to see what amazing things Florida Man was doing on that day. His brothers were skeptical of his goal … until he mentioned shooting a hurricane which everyone agreed was a worthy task. Hmmm … as a mother, how concerned should I be?

*

Theo–Shouting from The Fire Swamp (his desk area) after I went to bed–“Ahhhh, Ahhhhh, I’m dying!”

Me–I leap out of bed and rush out to save him in my PJs. I see him sitting at his computer. –“I thought you were dying?”

Theo–“We were!”

Ah, the joys and trials of playing computer games with your brothers.

*

Theo–“You’re putting honey on cereal?”

Judah–“It’s corn chex. You always put honey on corn chex. It’s one of the rules of the universe.”

Theo–“Oh, yeah.”

*

Bomber to Scruffy–“I am willing to try TI4 … one time.”

Theo suddenly appears out of nowhere–“TI4?”

Bomber–“TI4 summons Theo even better than spaghetti.”

TI4 stands for Twilight Imperium 4 which is a long and complex boardgame that can easily last ten hours and is a favorite of Theo’s but not of anyone who likes short boardgames. Also, Theo has been eating an entire package of noodles for lunch each day all week. I discovered this when there were no noodles left for cooking.

*

Theo–“The cheese caves are a real place, guys!!!”

Now, Theo is known for his love of interesting maybe-facts and thrilling monster stories and so some family members doubted the existence of these cheese caves. However, they are apparently real! There is some politics involved in the maintenance of cheese caves and this article writer posts their own ideas about that, so if this is abhorrent to you, please just enjoy the photos of cheese!

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Scruff–has either bug bites or a rash. We are discussing which it is and I mention that he must be allergic to something because I sleep right beside him every night and it just doesn’t make sense for a bug to bite him and not me for several nights in a row.

Judah–“Yeah, he must be allergic to something.” Looks at me, “and you sleep right beside him … .”

*

Theo–“I’ve found myself starting to say, ‘Yes, yes.’ Just like Skaven.” These are the rat people in a game he plays.

Judah–“Oh, yeah. They stutter.”

Mom–“The rat people?”

Theo–“Yes, the rat people. They are the embodiment of all that is evil with humanity!”

Judah–“You used to stutter …”

*

I tell Brennan to go to bed, then I get up later to use the bathroom and find him having a candy fight with Bomber (our camp maintenance person) and Theo. They are running around the house, throwing the leftover Halloween candy, mostly Warheads, and shouting. I point out that this is pretty much the opposite of sleeping. They are unimpressed. However, Brennan does reluctantly go to bed.

*

Theo–Betrays his father during a board game and says–“I’ve always got your back!”

Scruffy–“Yeah, with a knife.”

*

Theo–also during a board game–“Awww, I hate being picked on. Makes me feel like a nose.”

*

Playing a game of Lords of Waterdeep

Scruffy–“No! You’ll destroy my self-esteem!”

Theo–“No, you have too much.”

Judah–With much sarcasm–“Your self-esteem is fine.”

*

As I wrestle with the TV remote, trying to go back to the home menu, Brennan is watching me.

Brennan–“I’d like to see a remote-off between Mom and an Amish person.”

Apparently, he thinks that someone who doesn’t use a remote at all just might do better than his mother. Hmmm …

*

While watching a cartoon, I comment on the hanging cloth decoration that is given to one of the characters at the end. A swag, which someone who sews or decorates the church at Christmas time would know what I meant. My three teenage sons and husband are amused as the definition of the word has changed over the years.

Me–“They gave Grunkle Stan a swag at the end.”

Brennan–“Swag?”

Me–“It is a decorative hanging. Kaya uses this as an adjective, but it is also a noun.

Scruffy–“No one uses it that way. You are one of three people who knows this.

Me–“Grandma Judy made them.

Scruffy–“Most people who knew this are dead.”

Me–“See how supportive the man I married is.

Judah–“Oh, but he’s funny!”

Well, that is true. Their father is funny and that counts for a lot when you’re nineteen, ha!

*

My honey–sweetened dark chocolate arrives and my blond son takes an interest in the box.

Theo–“Dark Chocolate Mint Honey Patties!”

Me–“Those are my sugar-free chocolates. They’re basically health food.”

Theo–“You don’t need to be healthy. Who knows how long you’ll last. I need the heath chocolates!”

*

Theo–Walks through the hall and accidentally knocks down Scruff’s Carhart snowsuit.

Theo–“Where has Dad been hanging this?”

Me–“On the pull-up bar.”

Theo–“Really?”

Me–“Yes, will you tell him the error of his ways?”

Theo–“All his ways are errors.”

Gotta love teens, ha! We are blessed to enjoy plenty of pesky dialogue in our household.

Oh, here are a few of those board games that they play with their dad. Much of the pesky dialogue occurs while playing board games. Is it because they are battling each other constantly, pretending to be attacking aliens, train robbers, or backpackers in National Parks?

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Me to Scruffy–“Just put your board games on the shelf. You don’t have to meticulously organize them.”

Scruffy–Stares at me in horror.

Judah–Also stares at me in horror. “You’re supposed to be the voice of reason instead of sowing chaos!”

*

Epona–Asks Theo what his favorite level is on a video game they like.

Theo–Mentions his love of her least favorite level, the one with the zombies.

Epona–“I should have known.”

Theo–“I’m an edgy teenager, of course it is my favorite.”

*

Judah–says something less than complimentary about coffee.

Scruffy–“It sounds to me like you’re dissing coffee … and coffee addiction!”

Epona–“Let’s get him!!!”

*

Scruffy–“Soda is like the unholy combination of both sugar and caffeine.”

*

Theo–Puts a letter in the camp mail that “smells like revenge.” When I ask him to clarify, he explains. “Revenge smells similar to sharpie, but a different kind of sharp!”

*

During staff meeting at camp, a counselor throws a blanket that accidentally slaps me in the face.

Brennan–“Hey, you hit my mom and she’s old and frail!”

*

Theo–“Epona’s why I’m evil.” Looks sternly at Epona. “You’re the real villain!”

*

Me–“Can you go and make yourself a taco, please.”

Theo–“A taco? A taco! You underestimate my consuming powers!”

*

Me–“Theo, you should get rid of that shirt. It’s so thin, I can see your bellybutton.”

Theo–“A bellybutton worthy of Mordor!”

Me– . . . .

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Theo–“I’m going to inject fungus in people’s brains to heal them. Mwa ha ha ha!”

Bomber–“I would be more worried if he actually had the science degree.”

Scruffy–“Let’s see if he makes it to his junior year. Let’s see if he finishes his English final. Don’t count your chickens and pop your weasels yet.”

Theo–Spoken in his terrifying mad scientist voice–“I’m going to pop all the weasels!!!”

*

Theo–“I just had a genius idea, make an off-brand Snickers … called Guffaws!”

*

I sit at my computer, working on my writing while Theo plays “Mary had a little lamb” on his hurdy gurdy.

*

Kanga–“Your kids are being mean to me.”

Brennan–“We’re dong fist bumps, that’s an act of kindness!”

*

Some discussion on what makes a good date movie occurs … .

Theo–“Hey, if the girl won’t go to a vampire movie, she’s not worth marrying.”

As a mother, I have some concerns.

*

Theo–“The bathroom is mine! I only loan it out.”

*

Brennan–“I don’t know why, but my last three socks have had the same hole in the toe when I get home from school.” They were all new socks.

Judah–“It’s not the sock, it’s you.”

Brennan–“My toe is just too glorious for the sock!”

*

Theo–Sits in his lair (desk in the living room) eating Gourmet Zesty Garlic Seasoning Salt out of the shaker.

*

My oldest (an adult now) informs me that he will be hanging out with friends.

Me–“What are you doing?”

Judah–“My friends are goofballs.”

Me–Waiting for an explanation …

Judah–“We’re pulling an all-nighter at Winco.

Me–Blinks back at him in confusion before replying–“Well, take pictures for me.”

Judah–Yeah, if I get an exorcism for my phone before then.” His phone got wet and was randomly dialing strings of 3 numbers. 444, 555, 666 and so forth.

Judah–“Think about it this way. Most friend groups would go out to drink and do drugs. My friends just want to hang out at Winco.

He is not totally wrong there, ha!

*

Bomber expresses the desire to put marshmallow peeps in the microwave.

This plan is not met with universal approval.

Epona–There are some things in this world that are pure and should never be corrupted. Kirby is one and peeps are the other.”

Bomber–It concerns me that peeps have made it onto the list of pure things in this world.

Epona–There really is a microwave of evil.” –MegaMind reference.

Bomber–“My $1.50 has been given to the corporation of Safeway. The peeps are all mine!”

Epona–“You don’t want to eat them, just microwave them. Don’t you think that’s a bit sadistic?”

Bomber–Takes her duly purchased peeps towards the microwave of evil.

Epona–“Yes, blow up the microwave. May it never commit crimes again!”

*

Me–“How did you go from being so cute to so evil?”

Theo–“Good upbringing.”

Theo–in a super creepy voice–“Remember, everything your child does is your fault.”

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Theo–“When I take over the world, I will allow Memeland to continue as an independent nation because Memeland is awesome. They are worthy!!!”

And what was my budding young tyrant listening to on his phone … 1960’s Paul Harvey.

*

Theo and Brennan wrestling for 2 minutes over soda.

Me–Encouraging them to not hurt one another.

Scruffy–“A little crying is good for you. Builds character.”

Judah–“My, what a terrible father.”

*

Judah–“Ignorance is not bliss. Anyone who says that is ignorant.”

*

Judah–Having trouble explaining something.

Theo–“You no word good!”

Judah– … stares at brother and continues to explain.

Theo–“You no word good!”

Judah–… continues

Theo–“Words … blah!”

*

Brennan–“Global warming.”

Epona–“It’s great for people like me who are easily frozen.”

Theo–“Corn maze!”

*

Brennan–“In my basketball game, I got smooshed by two people running from each side. My rib-holder hurts.”

Epona–“You mean your sternum?”

Brennan–“I’m feeling better.”

Scruffy–“I hurt my sternum once and it hurt for months. Good luck!”

Me–“Did you go to the doctor?”

Scruffy–“Ha, I was in my 20’s.”

Brennan–“Well, I didn’t get run into by 20-year-old muscle hams!”

*

Brennan–“What is Downton Abbey?”

Scruffy–“It’s basically Fire Emblem set in Britain.”

Epona–“I’m 90% rage, right now!”

*

Theo–Opening his Christmas present which was a raven skull walking cane–“Mwahahaha! I feel that I should be resurrecting dinosaurs or something!”

*

Judah–Working on his Lego–“This is ridiculously complex. I love it!”

*

Scruff breaks a belt and tosses it aside. I find it.

Me–“Is this the belt that was broken?”

Judah–With a smirk–“Are you going to reforge the belt that was broken?”

*

Scruffy–About to start a video game that Judah has been teaching him.

Judah–“Dad, are you dong better today? Last time you refused to make any decisions on your own.”

*

Theo–Telling us about the strange new animals he has discovered online.

Scruffy–“I believe a lot of things about Australia, but I have trouble believing in a possum-eating spider.”

Theo–“I’ll believe anything about Australia.”

*

Theo–“I haven’t had enough cheese today to be this evil.”

Me–“Cheese is evil?”

Theo–“Cheese is the root of all evil!”

*

Theo–Applies online to sell his face to robot manufacturers.

Theo–“Bomber, have you sold your face to the robot people?”

*

I clean a spot for the Christmas tree. Then tell the boys, “Don’t you dare put anything there.”

Later, I find a piece of paper sitting directly in the center of the clean spot. On the paper is written a single word in Brennan’s handwriting, “Anything.”

*

Theo–“Achoobljsfsbbbp!”

Theo–“Achoooogrrrrr!”

Epona–“Was that a sneeze?”

Theo–“I’m the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight … of course it was a sneeze!”

*

Me–“Where is your shirt?”–seeing that he has wrapped a blanket around his bare chest.

Theo–“I don’t have a shirt … but someone stole my phone and replaced it with a small green monkey!” Bomber or Kanga put baby Yoda Lego in place of phone.

Epona–“Are you releasing your inner Roman by wearing that toga?”

Theo–“There’s a reason Romance has Roman in it!”

*

Judah–“I don’t understand how your voice can have such volume.”

Theo–“That’s not volume. That’s corn maze!!!”

*

Theo–“Surfing with victory on a wave of …” he thinks for a moment, “something cool!”

*

Theo–“I need my phone … sniff”

Bomber–“I think he’s sniffing for his phone.”

Epona–“This alarms me. What does your phone smell like?”

*

Theo–“Mirrors do not reflect time.

Bomber–“What if I set a mirror by my herb garden?”

*

Theo–“Can I hath muncheth and cruncheth of the yellow goodness?” –Chips

*

Theo–Contentedly–“Food makes the sun shine a little less.”

*

Theo–“In America I’m … a medium level minion and a level seven consumer.”

*

Theo–“I don’t have an evil lair, therefore I cannot scheme.”

*

Kanga–“I want cookies today.”

Theo–“You’re such a child, Kanga.”

*

Scruffy–“Bacon is forever.”

Boo Boo–“Bacon may not last forever, but it does last a very long time.”

*

Camo Man–“Wherever there is a good shovel, there is hope.” climbing onto Grandpa’s woodshed to shovel off 5 feet of snow.

*

Scruffy–speaking to Judah while he drives–“Can you drive a winter road while dodging a rubber chicken?” Menaces oldest son with chicken while he is driving, but does not actually attack … for safety reasons.

*

Bomber–“I am worried for the safety and wellbeing of my velociraptor?” She made one out of a sticky note.

*

Scruffy–“Dauntless, are you here next weekend?”

Dauntless–In a very sad voice–“No, I’ll be in Hawaii.”

*

Judah–“Brennan, put my sword back! I don’t trust you. Never do that again!”

Brennan had simply picked it up.

*

Scruffy–“Wait! None of these movies have zombies in them!”

Kanga–“Or monsters.”

Scruffy–“Well … that depends how comfortable you are with the animation in Storks.”

*

Epona–“In heaven, I am most excited to sword fight the angels because no one will be able to get hurt! It would be like Smash Bros … but in real life.”

*

Scruffy–“There are worse things than facial hair.”

‘Merica–“Yeah, taxes.”

*

Scruffy–speaking of Boo Boo–“I have to make her mad a lot, so she’ll remember me when I’m gone.”

*

Epona–“At least in heaven I’ll be able to fight all the bears I want without dying.”

*

Theo–“I have not been bitten by any technological snakes.”

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Me–“I will be victorious, I will pull your pants up!” –Yes, our blond son was wearing scandalously low trousers to school and I chased him around the house with a belt. Thankfully, his father got him a black studded belt that is properly ominous and he has condescended to wear it. This was before that belt.

*

Bomber to Epona–“Much to Epona’s chagrin, I think that any chocolate is lint flavored if you leave it in your pocket long enough.”

*

Epona–“Why would you have to run efficiently when you’re pretending to be a horse, Judah!”

*

Bomber–“If it will give you preace of mind–

Judah–“–My mind is in so many pieces.”

*

Scruffy–speaking about winter driving–“He’s not going to die. This could be a mistake he learns from. If you die, that’s a mistake you’ll never make again.”

*

Scruffy–to Theo after another chopping incident with new knives–“If you loose your thumb–“

Bomber–“You are one more step away from being a raccoon.”

*

Bomber–talking about Theo and Brennan being back at school–“It’s so inconvenient when your minions start getting an education!”

*

Kanga–“It’s either logic or philosophy.”

Theo–“Well, I don’t like flossing.”

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