So, I’ve been writing seriously (with the goal of publication) for twenty-two years. I recently received my 10th rejection from my favorite publisher. Their head editor recognizes me by sight now, hugs me at conferences, loves my writing, but is still sending those rejections because my platform is small.

This time, she suggested that I start speaking.

Gah! Speaking?

However, within a few days, I got two inquiries about speaking. Hmmm … was the Lord nudging me in a new and terrifying direction?

This is the moment where my terrible travail begins.

If I was going to say yes to speaking, I wanted some training. Therefore, I messaged the local toastmasters chapter in the closest town to us. This is Leavenworth, Washington.

Remember this, it’s important.

The person in charge was welcoming and informative. They shared that they meet at the Leavenworth library every other Tuesday and sent me the schedule for the next meeting. Now, I don’t see very well at night, but of course I forgot this in my eagerness to learn the mystical ways of speaking to an audience. On Tuesday, I set out on an epic journey in my youngest son’s car (he is not quite 16 and we bought it for $300 from his cousin and we are still fixing it up … ie. using zip ties to put the license plate on and scraping off the glue where his cousin stuck a coyote skull to the dash). It was getting dark and spitting rain. The first snow of the year was expected.

I plunged into the darkness, squinting against the blurring of oncoming headlights. I could do this!

After thirty minutes of driving and praying, I finally arrived at the Leavenworth library. There are two rooms. One of them was hosting a city council meeting and the other was hosting a doodling class (which I was of course invited to attend). The librarian (my oldest son’s cross country coach’s wife … yes we live near a small town) gave me a kindly look and googled Leavenworth toastmasters. It was in Leavenworth, Kansas! While making certain that we whispered, she informed me that hapless folks showed up for Leavenworth, Kansas meetings at the Leavenworth Washington library all the time.

Sigh.

I went to the parking lot to get back into Samir (my almost driving son’s car) who is named after this exciting video of a drive with rally racer Samir Thapar (which was apparently a plot by a rival racer) Whatever his rival’s intent, this clip only makes my sons’ admiration for Samir Thapar grow. I had locked Samir before going into the library … which Scruff and the boys laugh at me for doing. Well, this time, they may have been right to further an anti-car-locking campaign. The keys I had used to drive did not unlock the doors! My coat, my good shoes (I was wearing sandals), my purse were all locked safely inside Samir. It was raining … but I had my book!

So, I walked to my oldest son’s house and knocked on the door. No one answered. However, their house wasn’t locked. I walked inside, calling out. No one answered. I caught sight of Hiccup’s roommate across the house. I called out. No answer. Well, he was probably listening to music. So, I waved my arms. Nothing. I walked closer, both calling out and waving my arms. Closer and closer and closer. He was really enjoying his music, turned around while bopping his head, and screamed!

Yes, a strange woman was in his house.

He recovered and offered me some tea and the chance to use his phone to call Scruffy. I asked Scruff to have Shazam! give him the keys that opened the doors and bring them down. They were playing a boardgame, so I settled in with my book to wait. Hiccup came home, was startled to see his mother, but recovered enough to offer me a glass of cider.

Drinking both tea and cider, I read my book until Ragnar showed up driving Grond (his car is named after that giant flaming battering ram in Lord of the Rings).

“I’m here to bring Mom home.”

“Did you bring the key that opens Samir’s doors?”

“What key?”

So, I hopped into Grond with Ragnar and we stopped at the library to double check the key. The key did not open the doors, however, it did open the trunk!

Ragnar climbed into the trunk, through the back seat, into the front seat, and unlocked the car!

I drove home, in the dark, in the first snowstorm of the year, not in Kansas and not having learned a thing about public speaking.

Although … the favored topic people wanted me to speak on … Humor in Fiction!

Hmmm … should I feel betrayed? You don’t think God was gifting me with more humor than I needed for my wild quest into public speaking … .

No. He wouldn’t … would He?

The post The Tragic Toastmasters Travail appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Come and join me over at The Campfire Blog as I record the ups and downs of this crazy thing called camp ministry. This week: Junior High Winter Blast!

Here’s a sneak peek … .

Junior High Winter Blast is one of our favorites here at Camas Meadows.

This is such a fun age-group to host.

Junior high campers have the incredible energy and capacity for adventure of children.

But their thought processes are maturing and they are able to hold deep conversations about life, the Bible, God, and of course snow ducks!

Or rubber duckies, depending what kind of duck is available.

This camper brought ducks with her this year because … ducks! Later, her cabin was delighted when Boo Boo found a snow duck maker and gifted it to them. More about that later.

But as was mentioned earlier, ducks are only one of the topics that junior high campers can wax eloquent about! Here, the campers worship God together with song. It was so delightful to have a quick visit from Choco and Partake as well as the joy of listening to Choco lead us in worship again. These kids know how to sing and they rattled the lodge with their voices. So lovely!

OK, folks. End of Boo Boo’s official camp blog teaser! Please zip on over to The Campfire Blog to enjoy the rest of our adventures!!!

The post Campfire Saturday appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Theo–“Sweden! Those are the guys who ski with machine guns, not Vikings!”

Judah–“You can still ski with a machine gun and be a Viking. I don’t see how those two are mutually exclusive.”

*

Brennan–Hides behind a door wrapped in his tortilla blanket. He leaps out. “Boo!”

Me–“Ahhhhhhhh!”

Brennan–“Tortilla strikes again!”

*

Theo–“I want my hair spatula length.” Our spatula is 14 inches long.

*

Scruffy–Stumbles into the living room and charges toward Theo. “Ow, my toe!”

Theo–Extends a dustpan toward his father. (He was cleaning the bathroom)

Scruffy–Runs into the dust pan. “Ow!”

Theo–“You ran into it yourself. Only you are to blame.”

Scruffy–“But you were brandishing it.”

An argument ensues about whether Theo was or was not brandishing the dustpan! 

*
Bomber– “Spirit Island is to Theo what BBQ sauce is to Brennan.”
*
Chris (Father of 6 girls and 2 boys, on of whom is Kanga)– “God knew I needed all the girls to love on me.”
Boo Boo–“And God gave Scruffy three boys to beat on him.”

*
Theo–“Lettuce tastes like a paper towel, soaked in chemicals, and then made crunchy.”

*

Kanga–When I told her about the Christian novel that only had two options for female characters. Either they were evil or they were homemakers who offered cocoa and cookies to the main characters. Her response to this amazing storytelling device was: “We’re living in the false dichotomy of either evil … or cookies.”

*

Boo Boo–“I guess Washington doesn’t have any palm trees…but with palm trees come tarantulas, so I think I’m okay.
*
Bomber speaking to Kanga–“I don’t care if you’re not here to be attacked. I’m here to attack you!”
*
Kanga– “Sneezes!”
Bomber– “Bless you. Unless you’re plotting against me, in which case may your soul never return to your body.”

(Those who know and love Kanga, will understand how often her attack occur)
*
Theo –Instructing the assistant cook as he was leaving to be a camper–“Prism! You need to bother Kanga! It’s part of the job!”
*
Judah: “You’re pretty hard for anyone to find.”
Scruffy–“No, I’m not.”
Bomber–“Have you ever looked for yourself???”
*
Scruffy–“A serious father would not have survived Theo.”
*
Theo–“I could never trust a clone of myself.”
*
Boo Boo–While working on a writing project–“No! I can’t add more adjectives!! I’m saving those words for squirrel insults!”
*
Epona–“Coffee counts as serotonin, not as a meal.”
*
Judah talking to Kanga after driving her Prius in the snow–“I hope I can buy a car soon so I don’t have to drive your car ever again.”

*

Kanga and Boo Boo are laughing uncontrollably

Judah to Kanga–“That’s an interesting clucking sound you made there.”

More Laughing

Judah–“I’ve never seen such an accurate representation of a feeding chicken before.”

*

We are having dinner with Grandpa Del and Theo has finished.

Theo–“So … can I go home?”

Scruffy–“Yes.”

Me–“Can I at least have a hug?”

Theo–“How about a dismissive gesture?”

He flicks his fingertips lazily in a motherly direction and leaves.

Ah, the joys of parenting teen boys. Ha!

*

Brennan looks up at the ceiling fan in the bathroom

Brennan–“Why is it hanging down like that?”

Me–“Your father was fixing it.”

Scruffy–“Doesn’t it look fixed?”

Brennan–“Yeah, I can tell by the groaning noise it makes and how it’s not put together.”

*

Me–Tells Theo a joke as he is sweeping.

Theo–Groans and pokes at me with a broom. “Back, witch!”

Me–I do my legendary witch cackle! “Remember when I used to say, ‘Obey me or I will cackle like a witch.'”

Theo–“Ug! The memories! No! I call those, ‘The Dark Times.'”

It embarrassed them to no end. A mother has to have leverage, right?

*

We watch the movie Storks

Theo–Groans and falls off his chair, sinking to the floor in horror when all the babies appear

Bomber–Is horrified by the movie. She is also appalled that so many in the group enjoyed it greatly. “I’m going to go seek comfort from Theo. THEO!”

As you may have guessed, Theo is not widely considered to be the comforting type.

*

Theo–“I’m going to use an army of laser blimps to conquer Transylvania so I can make a live action version of Hotel Transylvania!”

*

Theo–“It’s a laser or a corn maze.”

Judah–“Those are the only options?”

*

Scruffy–Looking for his food–“Is it gone?”

Bomber–“Where did you put it?”

Scruffy–“On the coffee table.”

Bomber–“The most Leia-proof of locations!”

*

Scruffy–“Wood heat makes me drowsy. Also, life makes me drowsy.”

*

A discussion arises about how to get up the steep hill (Freese’s Hill) on the way to our house.

Theo–“You need to hit the hill at 40 MPH.”

Scruffy–“You definitely won’t hit a tree doing that!”

Theo–“I didn’t hit that tree, I grazed it, like a cow majestically descending upon it!”

*

Theo–Is hunched over eating a sandwich in his lair (desk).

Scruffy–“He looks like Gollum eating a fish!”

*

Theo–“I’m in the 99th percentile in IQ.”

Me–“And what are you going to do with that smartness?”

Theo–“EVIL!”

Bomber–“I would have bet all the money I own that would be his answer.”

Scruffy–“But what about wisdom?”

Theo–“My intelligence is 19, but my wisdom is 3 and I’m OK with that. Well, I’d prefer my intelligence be 20, but yo can’t get everything you want.”

*

Me–“Kanga and Theo, your hair is very similar in color.”

Theo–“Except mine is more victorious! Well, it depends which way the wind is blowing. Sometimes, it’s Golem-esk … cough, cough, cough.” Yes, he sometimes breaths in a piece of his long hair. The troubles that one with victorious hair faces are many!

*

Me–“Theo, I need help.”

Theo–“What?” Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Me–“I can’t reach the wine.” (I am attempting to cook Brazilian beans)

Theo–“Sigh.”

Scruffy–“Speaking of whine.”

Theo–“You called?”

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

This was published on December 27th, 2019 … but my website crashed and I lost 16 months of material and so I am only now putting this back up. Enjoy!

I found my box of empty jars, from when my boys were young.

A brush of dust, a ream of rust. I sighed; my heart unstrung.

Stacked all helter-skelter, with holes poked in the lids.

Home to centipedes, pill bugs, and singing katydids.

I’d learned to be prepared when they pounded up the stairs,

Out of breath and dancing, like they’d just seen “fifty bears.”

The kitchen echoed with their shouts, “Come and see this, Mom!”

Was it a grasshopper or beetle or a newt that they named Brahm?

They’d yell for me to come and look, hands cupped around their prize.

We’d gather close together, a sparkle in their eyes.

I’d hand them each a bug jar and remind them of our rule.

Twenty-four hours in our house, and then back to wood or pool.

A handful of green grass, tucked lovingly inside,

Made a cozy sanctuary, in which a bug could hide.

A shiny rock for sunning and a stick for it to climb.

That jar was toted all about, until it was bedtime.

Then propped up by a bunkbed, their bugs would watch them sleep.

When morning came, we’d let them go, to freedom they would creep.

My box of jars sat empty, though summer had come and gone.

Catching bugs had been replaced, by football on the lawn.

Board game nights with Dad and paintball wars with friends,

Cross-country meets, games of bump, shooting zombies on weekends.

As I threw out all my bug jars, I thanked God I’d taken time,

For every snake and stinkbug and bright faces smeared with grime.

Those boyish years are fleeting, so relish every one.

Admire each tiny creature, be a part of all the fun.

These tall teens delight me, full of sarcasm and snark.

Driving for the first time, trying to parallel park.

I trade my jars for video games and try not to be undone.

I toss the last … then snatch it back. I think I’ll keep just one.

There will be a day when little feet come running back to me.

“Grandma, Grandma, what’s this bug?” and of course I’ll go and see.

I’ll kiss their dusty heads and give each child a quick squeeze.

“Do you have a bug jar? Grab it, Grandma, please?”

The post Empty Bug Jars appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Come and join me over at the campfire blog.

Autumn

One of our founders, Autumn Griffith, turned 92 yesterday. She and Del, her husband, started the camp when they retired in 1973. Forty-two years later, the camp is still here, bringing the power and beauty of God’s creation and love into our lives…Read More…

The post Campfire Saturday appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

The post Boy Quotes appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

The post The Harrowing/Heartwarming Parent Moment of the Week appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

“…I suppose you know how to ride?”

“Oh yes, of course,” said Shasta. “At least, I’ve ridden the donkey.”

“Ridden the what?” retorted the horse with extreme contempt…”In other words,” it continued, “you can’t ride. That’s a drawback. I’ll have to teach you as we go along. If you can’t ride, can you fall?”

“I suppose anyone can fall,” said Shasta.

“I mean can you fall and get up again without crying and mount again and fall again and yet not be afraid of falling?”

“I–I’ll try,” said Shasta.”

C.S. Lewis always amazes me. He takes some simple bit of story and packs so much into it. So much about us and life and God all mixed up into an offhand conversation between a horse and his boy.

Looking back, it is easy to wonder why God even bothered with us. But I can see our Lord nodding as we both look at all of the mistakes and then He puts His arm around me and says: “But child, you knew how to fall and I can always do something with that.”

Maybe you or I don’t know how we are going to accomplish something. How can I make it through collage? How can I change careers at my age? How on earth am I going to be a good parent? How am I going to care for my aging parents? How can I move? How can I stay? How can I clean my fridge after the thawing turnkey leaked all over everything, when I have to make Thanksgiving supper for 14 and run out side and see why the chickens are clucking in alarm?

Maybe we can’t do those things. But can we fall? Can we fall and get back up and fall again and get back up and not be terrified of falling? If you know how to fall, take heart. Just as Bree was able to teach Shasta how to ride, God can do a whole lot with a man or woman who knows how to fall.

The post God This Week appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

God did not make me and seek me and rescue me and transform me for only journeys across calm waters. This world contains all kinds of seas and God needs children who are willing to set out on all of them. Children who will love, whatever the weather.

But it is not just the willingness to go. Stormy seas are good for me too. Not necessarily the storm itself, God does not wish me sorrow. But the stretching and changing and growing and loving that comes with the storm. Storms are there, but our God will work, no matter what horror we humans have drummed up. And in order to love, God calls His children to walk in difficult places. What would this world look like, if His children were all safe and cozy and separate?

So this week I thank God for His love and for His wisdom and I am learning to trust in that.

2 Corinthians 4:6–“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness’, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.”

The post God This Week appeared first on KristenJoyWilks.com.

Me–“But that is not free, it is 42 dollars.

Phone guy–“No, no, no! You must simply say that you will pay it into the recording machine and then you will get the free service. You do not actually have to pay.”

Me–Hanging up phone.

But yesterday I had a victory.

They called, again. They must have changed our info so that I felt the need to update it, because this time our address was wrong. So I gave them our address, and they sent me to someone else. I told them I would give them the new info if they wouldn’t go through the whole long speech and just take my info down. He kept trying to say his long speech and I kept trying to give him our address until finally I heard a very strange sound on the other end of the line.

A grown man, banging his phone on his desk over and over again.

It is frustrating to talk to telemarketers.

But apparently it is even more frustrating to talk to me.

After shouting and banging his phone for several long, long moments…he hung up on me!

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