During our Mother’s Day Hike

Scruff–“Be sure to dive in front of the cougar to save your Mom.” –There was no cougar, they were just talking cougar-evasion strategies.

Theo–“I’d be fine if she was eaten.”

Scruffy–“You don’t have to run faster than the cougar, just faster than your mom.”

Judah–“Effortless.”

Theo–“I can walk faster than she runs.”

Um … Happy Mother’s Day to me?

Also on our Mother’s Day Hike, Scruffy is annoying the boys purposefully.

Scruff–“Is that the top or a toupee?”

Me–“Could you repeat that? I thought you said toupee?”

Scruff–“I did.”

Judah–“It is a toupee, its a false top.”

We were indeed approaching a false summit … or a toupee.

Theo–“He’s like five-years-old mentally and 100 physically.

Theo–“Why would I date when I could spend my time trying to take over the world?”

Theo–“I had the weirdest dream last night where I was @ my desk playing games and I had a bowl of cereal and I left it all night and I came back and it was all gross. Yeah, it was a dream … .” Insert a smirk after this sentence. Theo’s desk has become his evil lair where he both makes plans to take over the world and eats snacks in a fiendish manner. Yep, sometimes we catch Princess Leia Freyja sniffing very enthusiastically through his desk area and then we know to nag him about cleaning it.

Theo–“Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. They call it Trash Cans not Trash Can’ts!”

Theo–Brings a jar of coconut oil to his brother and says in a mad scientist voice–“Judah, become one with the coconut oil! Become ONE!!!”

Theo– Confesses to drinking some vinegar out of the cupboard. “My blood is vinegar now.”

Judah–You became one with the vinegar.”

Me–“That Hawaiian shirt with the black background matches lots of your things.”

Theo–“Like my blackened heart?”

Theo–“OK, I’ll try it no matter how weird it might be.”

Judah–“Look who’s talking? No one has eaten more weird things than you. Stuff we didn’t’ even think was edible, like cleaning vinegar, all those cooking experiments, and U.S. currency.”

Theo–You old people have no sense of fashion.”

I try to write down the time for the boys appointments on their hands so that they will remember. Theo objects and says that he will for sure remember. I tell him that I would forget if I didn’t write things down.

Theo–“It’s because you have no memory. You’re like a goldfish. You forget your whole life after three seconds!”

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